Change? Yes, I can!

For the past months, I've been changing some crucial things in my life. I've felt the need to write about it but always end up just making a note in my diary and changing my status on facebook to involve everyone in my development. Someone said to me recently that I apparently post everything in my status on facebook (in an annoyed tone of voice).

So now I feel selfconscious - but at the same time, I really want to share some of the greatest things in my life with people, both friends and acquaintances. I always have the fear of 'tooting my own horn' a little too loud but this morning I realised that I never had any thoughts about what might actually happen IF I tooted too loud... What would happen is probably what usually happens; those who envy the quality or performance that spurs the horn-tooting - because they find it difficult to do the same in their own lives - will comment critically (or talk behind your back about it).

An example: I achieve funding around 530.000 Euros for projects concerning repatriation in my department. I rejoice. I tell my colleague who is project coordinator in the department - her first comment: "We don't have office space for all the people, you'll have to hire!"

Those who feel insecure about themselves and haven't experienced the same success will probably think you're bragging (instead of sharing the positive vibes which is usually the case) and hence, that you think you're BETTER than everyone else because of your performance. This is actually the dilemma that bothers me the most - because I know this is how people react, and I recent them for it. I recent all those incapable of taking part in someone else's success. ESPECIALLY when that someone really wants to share.

Well, here's an idea - I AM better than everyone else, better at BEING ME! What tragedy if this was not the case!

So, I've changed lately. I moved to Copenhagen with Jesper last year around this time and it's been an incredible year of achievements for me. I've landed a permanent position in the NGO, I always dreamed of working for. I've created results in that position which has given me opportunities out of the ordinary. These are achievements I've earned through hard work - just like everyone else who achieve their goals.

I've lost weight, started aikido training, am a licensed MC driver with her own bike (thank you very much) and started track training for the a company event on September 2nd. Me who always convinced myself that I couldn't do any of those things! No physical activity ("it's just the way my body works"), no challenges too difficult ("I am the way I am and it's just the way things are"), no partaking in big events where everyone does sports ("I prefer doing things on my own, that's just the way I am").

But it's not, and they were poor excuses all along.

I've fought and been medicated through a minor depression for a year now, conquering all my demons through thick and thin AND taken control of the physical side of my life. Most people say "you?! Really?!" and look surprised. But that is me - too.

So, I've changed - not so much in my performances but in the way I take them on. No more excuses - no more limitations created in my mind. And I feel great (most of the time).

Yes, I can change. So can you. So can we all. It's just a matter of perspective - and eliminating the fear of sharing your good results. So, I insist on tooting my own horn every single time there is a good reason for it.

Toot-toot.