Rest in peace, mormor

Yesterday, my grandmother died. She left this world in her sleep during the night of the 26th of December. It naturally brings many emotions and thoughts about her life and the relationship she had with the ones close to her. I know that it can be difficult to learn from other people's mistakes - but the love I had for my grandmother bids me to remember hers so as to not repeat them.

She had a wicked sense of humour, especially at the end when she let go of her 'formal appearance' and cracked jokes about the end of lives and that final destination, no one knows about.

She cared for her family although not in an obvious way. Over the years, I finally learned how to extract the love from her sharp tongue - and realised how much I've come to be like her in that way. I promised myself - and her in the end - not to push people away with my sarcasm and need to be in control of the situation anymore.

Early on, she and others have taught me that 'the world is out to get you'. She realised late in life, and passed it on to me, that it is not so. She desperately wanted a close relationship with her children and grandchildren right up to the end. She surrendered herself to the care of those offering it to her - something she has never done before. She used to feel defeated if she was in need of help or assistance, and she would never reveal her weaknesses to her children. In her last years, she confided some of them to me - and I am grateful to her for it.

Because she showed me how loved one can feel, when you share your pain and frustration with someone who loves you. When you are received by someone you were trying to keep your cools with.

She was herself the last time I saw her. She cracked jokes and told stories - albeit stories that were not true - and basked in the attention she got. She showed great affection and talked of things, we never mentioned before she got sick. Great grandchildren. Sorrows of times past. Love and regrets.

She was ready to leave when she did. Maybe we were not entirely ready to let her go, but I know I did. I am proud of her fight and the vulnerability she showed me in the end, and I vow to myself that I will remember her 87-year-old revelations in my 30th year.



I know you will rest in peace - say hi to grandpa for me. I love you both dearly.