going home from work, remembering

the earth is shaking beneath my feet
deafening the voices in my head, all thoughts that converge in a roar of madness
the earth is calling for my resistance
calling for calm

the wind is laughing at me, walking uphill on a sunny day
blowing the early spring blossoms off the trees
as if to mock the light from which they came
laughing at me because i am not in it, because my earth is rattling

i wish i was wearing different shoes
i wish i had put a pin in my hair
i wish there was something that would make me go faster
think faster, feel faster
but it's still uphill and the wind reminds me of the world outside of myself

i see my little pond, the park where i used to lay on the grass with my shoes off
looking at branches of trees, shimmering and cackling in the wind
i remember when i sat there with my english friend who smoked king's blue
famous danish cigarettes - because he liked the colour of the pack
blue as the sky, blue as my eyes, blue as my favourite t-shirt

the park is downhill and uphill, at the same time
my mood changes when i remind myself of myself in that spot
of the ant that crawled across my striped socks that day
of friends i brought there to feel the calm

today i pass the park, i don't go to lay on the grass
i have things to take care of, bills to pay, food to eat
thoughts to think
but tomorrow, i promise myself, tomorrow
i'll go there and find peace