(you know who you are)

so many thoughts, not organised
i am not organised
i like my couch and the ache it brings to my neck when i sit there too long
like today

for all the poetry in the world
i wish i could give you words of relief
of strength and remembrance
of yourself
for all the love i have for you
there are still no words to transport myself to you
to your pain and devastation
to your mild kindness and frictions in mind
to your love

i know you do well without me (there)
you must think of me but not as i think of you
how can you? you are not thinking of you
i only ever wanted to be a good friend
to you and everyone else that crossed my path
i only ever wanted for my love to be received, to be treasured
but i have insulated it, given it only to few and hardly any that understood
i have absoluted it and absolved myself for its failings
it is me

i know you receive me the way that i am
but i still feel at a loss, i am not there to help you
i wish i could carry some of your burden for you
i wish i could carry your heart in my hands, just for a couple of hours
so you could get some rest